Skip to content

Morning rituals

Monday, 8:30 am

LOVE OF MY LIFE: Bye! See you tonight! (Exits)

ME (taking a shower): ♪ Ladadi la diladi… ♪

[Phone rings]

ME (dripping water and soap on the floor): Yes?

LOVE OF MY LIFE: Did I leave my keys on the table?

ME (seeing them just in front of me): Yep.

LOVE OF MY LIFE: Oh, okay. Thanks. (Hangs up)

#

Tuesday, 8:30 am

SUNLIGHT OF MY DAYS: Bye! See you tonight! (Exits)

ME (taking a shower): ♪ Doodidoodidoo wap wap… ♪

[Phone rings]

ME (dripping water and soap on the floor): Hmmm?

SUNLIGHT OF MY DAYS: Did I leave my office access key on the sofa?

ME (checking): No… Wait… Ah, yes, under the sofa.

SUNLIGHT OF MY DAYS: Oh, okay. Can you please read me the number printed on it, so I can key it in on the digital lock?

ME: Sure…

SUNLIGHT OF MY DAYS: Thanks! (Hangs up)

ME (returning to the shower): Where were we… Ah, yes. ♪ Doo… Wap! Wap! Doo… Wap! Wap!… ♪

[Phone rings again.]

ME (having nearly tripped on the drenched and soapy floor): Yeees?

SUNLIGHT OF MY DAYS: Are you sure about the number? Because it doesn’t work…

#

Wednesday, 8:30 am

DELICATE PETAL OF BEAUTY: Bye! See you tonight! (Exits)

ME (taking a shower): ♪ Tadadadaaaaaaam… ♪

[Different phone rings]

ME: Uhhhh? (Sprinkles water everywhere, but finally finds the phone under a pile of stuff) Hello?

DELICATE PETAL OF BEAUTY: Oh, it’s you. I was wondering where I had left my phone. OK, byyyyyye… (Hangs up)

#

Thursday, 8:30 am

ROSE-SCENTED LOKOUM OF MY HEART: Bye! See you tonight! (Exits)

ME (taking a shower): ♪ Ta… dadi, dadaaa, dadada… ♪

[Phone rings]

ME (in a puddle of water): Allooooo?

ROSE-SCENTED LOKOUM OF MY HEART: Have you seen my credit card? I can’t find it today, I’m afraid I might have left it at the restaurant yesterday.

ME: OK, will have a look… (fumbles everywhere for 10 minutes) No, sorry, can’t see it.

ROSE-SCENTED LOKOUM OF MY HEART: Sh**. Okay, thanks. (Hangs up)

ME (concludes his shower, puts his clothes on, gets a coffee in the kitchen, opens the fridge to find some milk… Takes his mobile phone and dials): Hey… Got your credit card here. Did you spend it until it was red-hot, yesterday?

ROSE-SCENTED LOKOUM OF MY HEART: Errrr… Maybe… Why?

ME: ‘might explain why it was in the fridge.

#

Friday, 8:30 am

CHOCOLATE-COVERED SUGARPLUM WITH A CORE OF NOCCIOLA OF MY HAPPINESS: Bye! See you tonight! (Exits)

ME (taking a shower): ♪ Dum, dumdum, dum dum dum dum duuuuuum dumdum… ♪

[Phone rings]

ME (taking a shower): Oh, screw it, today I’m not answering.

[10 minutes later, dials up… no answer.]

ME (composing a text message): “Hey, why did you call?”

[10 minutes later, in the office:]

ME (checking his phone — no answer — then writing an email): “Why did you call this morning?”

[In the evening, still no answer]

ME (calling): Hey, why did you call this morning?

CHOCOLATE-COVERED SUGARPLUM WITH A CORE OF NOCCIOLA OF MY HAPPINESS: Oh! Yes — just to ask you to tell the cleaning lady NOT to throw away the black bag I left in the entrance — it’s not garbage, it’s important documents.

ME (checking the — perfectly empty — entrance): Ah…

#

[Disclaimer: any resemblance to actual persons is purely coincidental.]

Be First to Comment

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: