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Asian bucket list — proposal for a friend on a sabbatical

  • Wrestle a 70kg coconut crab with bare hands, and eat it afterwards, cracking its shell between your teeth.
  • Try fugu in Japan and fried tarentula in Cambodia.
  • Learn martial arts in a forbidden monastery up the Himalaya with Liam Neeson.
  • Hook up, dead drunk, with a sailor on HK’s Lockhart Road, and wake up with his name tattooed forever on your butt.
  • Throw flowers, fruits and virgins in a volcano.
  • Dive with sharks in the Philippines, while in search for Yamashita’s gold.
  • Go shoe-shopping with Imelda Marcos.
  • Chain yourself up with democratic pamphlets and a yellow umbrella on Tiananmen, and discover the hospitality of the Chinese carceral system (lose a kidney, go back to Start, do not collect $20,000).
  • Visit an ashram, and learn yoga enough to know how to clean your ears with your toes (always useful when you are already using your hands to brush your teeth).
  • Then come back to Bali, and out-snub the snobbish ladies who go there to become yoga instructors for other snobbish ladies, while selling fake ethnic jewelry and designer coffee to the same snobbish ladies, in brand new westernised buildings that have replaced the traditional houses and pushed the locals to the suburbs.
  • After all that, come back to HK and let’s both retire to the Zen monastery.

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