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Sometimes it’s hard writing SFF

…Its dark hull swallowing the light of the stars, cannons at the ready, the Dek’lan frigate darted through enemy space, roaring…

FRIEND #1: No, no, no. There’s no roar in space — there’s no air to carry the sounds, you see? It’s not like submarines, where they really have to be silent because the engine’s hum or even simply a voice can be heard by a sonar.

ME: Hmmm. I see.

…Its hull painted the color of rainbows, foam cannons at the ready, the Dek’lan frigate darted through enemy space, simply because the pilot was too busy partying at the onboard disco (which was blaring at full strength, because in space, no-one can hear you sing) to care about their precise whereabouts…

FRIEND #1: Er, I’m not too sure about that one either…

ME (grumbling): …always complaining…

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…As they raised their lamps, the explorers took the measure of the cave they had entered.

“Based on my computations, I think the cave may well be 20 miles in radius,” the panda engineer stated after fiddling with his abacus for a while…

FRIEND #2: No, that’s just too much. You can’t have a cave that big. No-one will ever believe it, it would just crumble down.

…As they raised their lamps, the explorers took the measure of the cave they had entered.

“Mind your head!” said the panda engineer. “And only one person at a time, please — there’s not enough room for more.”

“But what about the Ancients’ relics?” squealed little Amanda.

The engineer pointed at the floor, sadly, where the remnants of an ancient-technologically-advanced-device-not-unlike-a-touchscreen-tablet-but-rusted lay, half buried under a boulder. “Well, I’m afraid we will never find them,” he stated sadly.

THE END

FRIENDS #2: And that’s it? Where’s the story???

ME: …mmbl mmbl…

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FRIEND #3: …and so I’m thinking about writing a story about werewolves in space, but I’m really not sure how to do it…

ME: Well, maybe you could assume that the transformation is due to the quality — or polarisation? — of the light when it’s reflected by a moon, or maybe by some special materials. You might even say that the subject is not actually transforming, but just revealing his/her true nature under this special light. Or maybe this depends on the reflector and the quality of the light: on Earth, lit by the Moon, one would transform into a wolf; but under another light, one could well become another animal or being entirely…

FRIEND #4: Nah, too complicated. It should just be about the moons’ gravitational field.

ME: Eh? But the Moon’s gravitational field doesn’t change with its phases…

FRIEND #3 (not listening): Yeah, great! And the bigger the moon, the stronger the transformation!

FRIEND #5: Cool! So if they need to gain more physical strength, they can just get their ship closer to the moon!

FRIEND #3 & #4: YEAH!!!

ME: But if they are aboard a spaceship, why do they care about physical stre…. bah, mmbl mmbl mmbl mmbl…

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